God’s Ugly Painting

A tale from the heart of one of God’s ugly paintings

I spend too much times looking up for things and apparently also spend too much energy reading behind those lines. They are things that are not suppose to be on my watch and lines that are not suppose to weigh me down with worry.

I care too much of what clouded people judgements or rather about the way they look at me and more so the way they perceive me. From the first stare, the gestures, the pull of their lips, to the crease of their eyebrows. Every little hint that bring along emotional clue on how they repute me.

Finding myself shuddering under their eyes, suddenly, I am eager to find the switch. A small button to turn off all my senses. All because I have had enough of my ability to feel.

Never in my life would I ever wish to part with this life since happiness even though it’s small always make sure to come and greet. Be it once in a year, in a month, or if I’m lucky, in a week or if I’m winning in life, once in a day.

However, it’s always the constant worry. The nagging deep down telling me there are eyes set on me that making it unlikely to trace down happiness when it comes visit.

Never once in my life would I ever wish to be turned deaf. I’d say it’s okay if someone like to put in my name onto their conversation but God please shield my heart and make it pretend it’s not listening.

Never once in my life would I ever wish to be turned blind. I’d it’s okay if someone like to look down on me like how they see of those ugly paintings when they see it but God please distract my heart, don’t let it to catch on the stares.

Or maybe, just maybe rather than wishing to be put under His protection. Just let me be strong enough to put up a fight and stand for myself.